I'm so behind on checking deviantart...i have a few 100 deviations (because I watch THAT many artists), and I'm still reading through comments.

I probably won't be responding to them much anymore, at least, not for awhile. I just wanted you guys to know that I read every single one of them..I just haven't gotten around to responding.
Hope that doesn't make anyone particularly angry.


Anyway, I'm catching up on some of my art, and i've been sketching quite a lot lately. However, I still have a lot to do, so some projects I've been planning to do will be postponed for awhile.


on an unrelated note, Riley (the kitten now has a name) is no longer ill and extremely energetic. He thinks biting and scratching me is a form of play, but he's still rather affectionate (he purrs sooo easy). I think he's finally eased up around everyone, he's hardly even hissing anymore.





To Do List

sketches for

1. oc-Curd
2. oc-Ianto
3. oc- Kaden
4. oc-

AP/other art:
Start Projects: 1/3
Finish Sketches: 3/5
Finish T-shirt

Commission for

For friends who want to know how things are going with my mouth and the cat. This journal has nothing to do with art >>;.

So yeah..I got my wisdom teeth pulled yesterday.
my mouth is killing me ._.;;;; I've been living on mashed potatoes and anything and everything else that is starchy and soft...and my medication (codine) makes me dizzy and nauseated, so i'm on the weaker pain killers

They used laughing gas on me to calm me down (because my parents knew I'd put up a fight because of the IV). I still freaked when I saw the needle, but my body was so heavy that I couldn't do anything about it..which is probably a good thing. I think the laughing gas mask only made me panic though. However, now when i try to remember everything that happened during the surgery it's just like a bad dream that lasted 10 minutes (when in fact, it lasted about half an hour). Hell, the IV didn't even hurt that bad...I won't admit it to my parents, but I honestly think I worried too much.

Other than that though, we got a kitten a few days after Oliver died, it was a little fast, but I'm glad we did. It's helped things calm down around here, even if we all still miss him a lot. It's not like we're replacing him, it's just a way to refocus ourselves and help fill in the gap.
The day after we picked him up (he was born under a porch, living outside etc.) he had a very bad cold, an eye infection, and ear mites. I'm glad we got him so early, i think he may have died otherwise. He's a little bit fussy, the first day all he did was hiss at us, but i've put all my free time into holding and playing with him, he's beginning to warm up to all of us. Also, he wasn't using the litter or eating/drinking either, but now he is (on the..third day), and we've also got him medicated. He's doing much better.
He's a little gray tabby, and he has three extra toes (two on his left front paw, one on the right), he's a very interesting little cat. The dogs seem to get along with him fine, but our other cat PowderPuff really hates him. We have yet to name him (my parents and I are always arguing about it, we nearly called him Lector, my mother offered Sweeney..eh >>. I offered Tobey/Tobi and Jack, she thought they were too plain. we'll never get around to naming him). I'll link to some pictures here, maybe you guys have some ideas?
sorry for the blurs in advance

[link]
[link]
[link]

Oh! I also went to go see Speed Racer with some friends, it was a good way to get out of the house and get my mind off things. The movie was really entertaining for what it was, and the races were really intense. I'm glad I went to see it in Theaters

This is just an explanation to some friends about why i've been sounding kind of detached lately, and talking about personal problems. feel free to just ignore this journal.


Apparently Hell week wasn't over when school ended.
So many things have gone wrong so far, i'm glad i didn't have high expectations for this summer.

It took me all day just to compose myself enough to write this journal, my emotions have been all over the place today. But anyway, I woke up this morning at eight o'clock for my mom to tell me we were going to have to put Oliver down (my cat, that i've had sense elementary school). I had a few moments with him before i helped her put him in the pet taxi. It was incredibly hard, i felt like i was condemning him, but now that i think about it, he was really suffering. All week he has been suffering and has been incredibly weak and i just didn't want to accept it, i think that's what made today so hard. I had noticed how dilated his eyes had become, and how he couldn't walk straight, I knew he had gone blind and I just hoped he could still see me and remember me...and this morning, before I woke up he fell into a comatose state for awhile and became stuck behind a bed, he couldn't even use the litter box anymore, and he was meowing very loudly.
I guess this all seems rather melodramatic, but Oliver was really just like a sibling to me, and he was a smart cat with a lot of personality. I GREW UP with him. To be honest, today is the first day in nearly six years that I've actually cried my eyes out and choked.

Also, my grandmother was admitted to the hospital a few days back, but thankfully she was alright enough to finally be placed in a nursing home, I just hope she'll be alright..and I also caught a cold that's could be considered just another gram of dust upon everything else..and then next week my teeth are going to get pulled and god only knows how that's going to go.

I also have to complete all these projects for school and be ready for other deadlines..and now there's a family feud that may bring hell to the otherwise 'oh so wonderful' california trip

I'm just so tired, i want time to RECOVER. to just get over one thing....but yes, that's why i may not seem entirely myself, it's hard to put up a good front for everyone.
Sorry for this 'rant'. if i remember, i may delete this later.

"It's sweet, and best served cold."

quote


the title has nothing to do with the journal. at all.

Okay, so hell week (finals week) is over, and the school year has been concluded, yet it still doesn't feel like summer.

I've never felt so unenthusiastic or unmotivated, it's bizarre. I've cleaned out all my binders and collected some of my old sketches worth keeping (so expect a sketchdump). I think it's because i don't have much to look forward to or much to do, who knows...or the fact that finals drained every last ounce of energy out of me.

It might also be the weather, it's very cool and and damp (it's probably going to rain all weekend.) and is very not summery

I have a lot on my to-do list artwise though, including some projects from the school year...I am going to get to everything once my motivation returns. I just want to feel busy.

At least came over yesterday, we chilled and watched Transformers and whatever else was on TV at the time. There were a lot of bad jokes and plays on words. Pretty relaxing.

that's about it, still loosing sleep over my cat's health and needles.

To do list:

sketches for

1. oc-Curd
2. oc-Ianto
3. oc- Kaden

AP/other art:
Start Projects
Finish Sketches: 2/5
Finish T-shirt

trades:




Commission for

clubs:

Ugh, good and bad news for me.

So, school ends in about two weeks, which means summer and lots of free time. However, that also means finals, and studying, and stress, and panic.
And low self esteem.

Then i'll have a week of recovery, then i'm going to get all four of my wisdom teeth pulled. In all honesty, i'm absolutely terrified.

This means I'm going to be put under, and that means IVS in my arm. Have I ever mentioned that needles scare the crap out of me? And by scare I mean they make me panic, have a fit and cry my eyes out? I don't know what's worse, being afraid to be knocked out or being afraid of having a needle shoved into my arm. I know it's pathetic, but damn, i'm going to be dreading the procedure till the day it happens. And then i'll be so high that i won't be able to worry anymore. Yes, lots of painkillers. Oh happy day. I'm going to see what happens when i pick up a pencil.

And apparently, some painkillers can make you really sick? I really hate puking, so i'm hoping to god that my stomach will be as strong as it always has.

Ohhh, and other than that, my cat is getting even sicker. I haven't mentioned that yet. I witnessed him have another attack again today (very similar to an epileptic seizure, a bad one). I've had him every sense I can remember, he's like a little brother to me (i really love my cat), but i don't think he has much time left. I just hope he doesn't get any worse.

Okay..More good news? I need good news...
My mother just told me its official, we're going to California. This including visiting family, Disney Land, and Universal Studios. However, I'm a pale ass and sizzle like no ones' business, so I'll have to pull out my illegal SPF 500.


and now a stolen quiz, having to do with fears. (Appropriate)
stolen from

x - sorta
xx - greater
xxx - evil crippling fear

[x] Achluophobia - Fear of darkness.
[xx] Acrophobia - Fear of heights.
[xx] Agliophobia - Fear of pain.
[ ] Agoraphobia - Fear of open spaces or crowds.
[xxx] Aichmophobia - Fear of needles or pointed objects. (weren't we just over this?)
[ ] Amaxophobia - Fear of riding in a car.
[ ] Androphobia - Fear of men.
[ ] Anginophobia - Fear of angina or choking.
[ ] Anthrophobia - Fear of flowers.
[ ] Anthropophobia - Fear of people or society.
[ ] Aphenphosmphobia - Fear of being touched.
[xxx] Arachnophobia - Fear of spiders.(don't even get me started. I'm loosing sleep over a spider that i saw nearly a week ago)
[ ] Arithmophobia - Fear of numbers.
[ ] Astraphobia - Fear of thunder and lightening.(only when i'm walking in it)
[ ] Ataxophobia - Fear of disorder or untidiness.
[ ] Atelophobia - Fear of imperfection.
[ ] Atychiphobia - Fear of failure.
[xx] Autophobia - Fear of being alone.

B
[ ] Bacteriophobia - Fear of bacteria.
[ ] Barophobia - Fear of gravity.
[ ] Bathmophobia - Fear of stairs or steep slopes.
[ ] Batrachophobia - Fear of amphibians.
[ ] Bibliophobia - Fear of books.
[ ] Botanophobia - Fear of plants.

C
[ ] Cacophobia - Fear of ugliness.
[ ] Catagelophobia - Fear of being ridiculed publicly.
[x] Catoptrophobia - Fear of mirrors.
[ ] Chionophobia - Fear of snow.
[ ] Chromophobia - Fear of colors.
[ ] Chronomentrophobia - Fear of clocks.
[ ] Claustrophobia - Fear of confined spaces.
[ ] Coulrophobia - Fear of clowns.
[ ] Cyberphobia - Fear of computers.
[ ] Cynophobia - Fear of dogs.

D
[ ] Dendrophobia - Fear of trees.
[ ] Dentophobia - Fear of dentists.
[ ] Domatophobia - Fear of houses.
[x] Dystychiphobia - Fear of accidents.

E
[ ] Ecophobia - Fear of the home.
[ ] Elurophobia - Fear of cats.
[ ] Ephebiphobia - Fear of teenagers.
[ ] Equinophobia - Fear of horses.

G
[ ] Gamophobia - Fear of marriage.
[ ] Genuphobia - Fear of knees.
[ ] Glossophobia - Fear of speaking in public.
[ ] Gynophobia - Fear of women.

H
[ ] Heliophobia - Fear of the sun.
[ ] Hemophobia - Fear of blood.
[ ] Herpetophobia - Fear of reptiles. (I love reptiles D: )
[ ] Hydrophobia - Fear of water. (only when it's nightime)

I
[ ] Iatrophobia - Fear of doctors.
[xx] Insectophobia - Fear of insects. (i only like ladybugs)

K
[ ] Koinoniphobia - Fear of rooms.

L
[ ] Leukophobia - Fear of the color white.
[x] Lilapsophobia - Fear of tornadoes and hurricanes.
[xx] Lockiophobia - Fear of childbirth. (i'm adopting)

M
[ ] Mageirocophobia - Fear of cooking.(no, but i know i'll blow things up)
[ ] Melanophobia - Fear of the color black.
[ ] Microphobia - Fear of small things.
[ ] Mysophobia - Fear of dirt and germs.

N
[x] Necrophobia - Fear of death or dead things. (of death)
[ ] Ombrophobia - Fear of rain.
[ ] Ophidiophobia - Fear of snakes. (i'll say it again, i love snakes D: )
[ ] Ornithophobia - Fear of birds.

P
[ ] Papyrophobia - Fear of paper.
[ ] Pathophobia - Fear of disease.
[ ] Pedophobia - Fear of children.
[ ] Philophobia - Fear of love.
[ ] Phobophobia - Fear of being afraid.
[ ] Podophobia - Fear of feet.
[ ] Porphyrophobia - Fear of the color purple. (purple is my favorite color ..)
[ ] Pteridophobia - Fear of ferns.
[ ] Pteromerhanophobia - Fear of flying.
[ ] Pyrophobia - Fear of fire.

S
[ ] Scolionophobia - Fear of school.
[ ] Selenophobia - Fear of the moon.
[ ] Sociophobia - Fear of social evaluation.
[x] Somniphobia - Fear of sleep.

T
[ ] Tachophobia - Fear of speed.
[ ] Technophobia - Fear of technology.
[ ] Tonitrophobia - Fear of thunder.
[xxx] Trypanophobia - Fear of injections. (-whimper-)

V-Z
[ ] Venustraphobia - Fear of beautiful women.
[ ] Verminophobia - Fear of germs.
[ ] Wiccaphobia - Fear of witches and witchcraft.
[xx] Xenophobia - Fear of strangers.
[ ] Zoophobia - Fear of animals.

{clubs and to do list will be added later ._.;}